Families-First.com | ParentTalk
"Ashes to Ashes...Families to Dust"
by Dean Tong
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Joe:
Dean, you are a forceful advocate for paternal rights in the process associated with allegation of child abuse. Could you share with us, what elements of your personal journey brought you take on this issue?

Dean:
Obviously, it was my personal experience (arrested for capital sexual battery, costs over $125,000, 8 lawyers, 8 psychologists, etc) that induced me to   eat, drink, and sleep the issues of child protection and custody, and   ultimately, become a published author. I was a victim of SAID (Sexual Allegations In Divorce) and PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome). My experiences in 10 years of litigation helped qualify me today as an expert in these issues under Federal Rule of Evidence 702.

Joe:
This area has been a hotbed of controversy. False accusations of child abuse have been used as a "weapon" against fathers in child custody proceedings.

Yet there was a time when such a system and awareness of child abuse did not exist. In that atmosphere, there were abuses in the other direction, where abused children and their mothers had no recourse at the hands of the abuser. Your thesis is that the fathers now are at a terrible disadvantage in this arena. In your opinion, what proposals would you support that would achieve a better balance between the right of the allegedly abused child and the allegedly accused father?

Dean:
In my opinion, children who are and may be abused, are *still* at risk  because of the fact that 2/3 to 3/4 of ALL accusations of child abuse, are unfounded. In my opinion, we have to educate our triers-of-fact, our courts, in the areas of children’s suggestibilities, testing protocols for accuseds such as polygraph, plethysmograph, and ABEL Screen, parental alienation syndrome, and DSM-IV disorders such as BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).  Moreover, we must have these same judges lobby our legislatures to balance laws such as CAPTA (Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act) and VAWA (Violence Against Womens Act), to bring back due process for unjustly accused dads.

Joe:
Thank you Dean for sharing your views with us. Dean has graciously agreed to share an excerpt from his book which gives his unique perspective on what its like to be accused of this crime. I hope everyone gets a chance to read it and gets a chance to share their views, as space permits, on our discussion group.

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Hearsay Evidence

The waiting is the worst.

The emotions engendered by false accusations
of child sexual abuse are endless and devastating. Sleep is forever elusive, night-terror becomes common-place and depression is a constant companion. Rarely is there any support to be found within the community and rarely is there any sympathy for the falsely-accused. The frustration and anger increase with every day that goes by and each incident that occurs, affecting you and your children. The realization that winning in one court doesn’t mean winning in another makes the ordeal seem to go on forever. Throughout it all, you must bear the title "abuser," until you prove otherwise, if you can. Disorientation, denial, shock, confusion, anxiety, and disbelief are constant. Lack of concentration is a chronic problem, exceeded only by the frustration of being denied the right to see your children.

During the battle,
understand that numerous negative emotions are going to become a part of your everyday life. Disorientation, denial, confusion and depression become "normal" day-to-day feelings. Often the shock felt by the accused makes concentration difficult, if not impossible, while they try to deal with anxiety and disbelief. Some contemplate suicide.

The temptation to give up can be strong.
You can’t see your child, you can’t get any information about the charges, the evidence, the test results, or current events. Your ex-wife seems to win on all fronts, using evidence that is patently untrue, evidence that has been fabricated and cannot be disproved. Even when evidence is disproved, it doesn’t seem to matter. The state is paying her legal fees, evaluation, therapy fees, while you are foting the bills for your attorney, court costs, child support, and seemingly never-ending psychological and psychosexual tests to prove your innocence. The paranoia begins to overtake your common sense and your ablity to function in your best interest and that of the children. Everything seems so helpless that sooner or later, every victim of a fals accusation asks the same question: What have I done to deserve this?

Self-imposed isolation
is a natural reaction, a method of avoiding embarrassment and hiding the shame you feel about the fact that anyone could even consider accusing you of such an action. Draw strength from your support groups, get out in the world and try to function as part of it. In addition, isolation is hard on the mental and emotional system and you need all the positives you can get at this point, to allow you to meet and deal with the myriad issues of the allegation in a mature, controlled, sustained manner.

You are not alone
Most important, please believe you are not alone in this situation. Others have been there and are there today. We know the questions and the doubts you have, the emotions you are encountering and the frustrations that seem to mount on a daily basis. We are aware of the questions you are asking; questions like the following:

1. How did it happen?
2. How can my relationship with my child be terminated without an investigation?
3. Don’t my constitutional rights protect me from indiscriminate and irresponsible government intervention?
4. How could this situation take so long to be resolved?
5. Will I succumb or will I prevail?

The critical issue,
if you are dealing with false accusations of child sexual abuse, is to maintain your innocence, locate a competent and experienced attorney, be prepared to spend a great deal of money and find local support groups to assist you with your battle.

Meet the Author
"If My Kid’s So Nice… Why Is He Driving Me Crazy?"
by James D. Sutton, EdD, CSP
hosted by Joe Spataro
with a FREE excerpt Chap7: The "Quick Fix"
interview & FREE excerpt
He speaks to us about a variant on ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) called the "The Good Kid Disorder." As an educator, he has taught everything from grade school to graduate school. His interest in working with emotionally troubled youngsters motivated him to earn a doctorate in psychology. Today, Dr. Sutton addresses the needs of young people as a consulting psychologist, an author, and an accomplished speaker. Find out more.