Did you know that... 6.5 million boys and 3.5 million girls are involved in fights every year in
America? Plus, 4.5 million kids are threatened with bodily harm each year. The American
Justice Department says this month 1 out of every 4 kids will experience severe abuse from
another youth.
In a Midwestern study, 76.8% of the children surveyed said they had been BULLIED. And 14%
of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse. It's
time to do something about it!
Reason for homeschooling... Statistics also show that bullying and child
violence are reasons why a lot of children are being homeschooled today. Although, bullies
can also be siblings, friends, and various strangers we encounter outside our homes
throughout our entire lives.
We need to stop Youth Violence before it occurs, and stop Bullies before they are created.
Bullying has become a very serious "Hot" topic today. It's been in the news, and
the theme of several talk shows in the past year. The problem has been around for as long
as people have been around, but it's only been recently that we've become aware enough to
do something about it.
Telltale Mental and physical signs for parents to look for to find out if their
child is being bullied include: Cuts, bruises, torn clothing, headaches and/or stomach
pains, poor appetites, poor grades, decline/withdrawal from usual activities, anxiety, not
many friends, always loses money, depression, fear, anger, and relates better to adults
than other children.
It also helps to understand the different types of abuse the bully can inflict. This can
vary from physical (juvenile violence) to verbal, and include mental control tactics.
(Crushing your self-esteem).
The bully's pattern of physical abuse might include: pushing, tripping, slapping, hitting, wrestling, choking, kicking,
biting, stealing, and breaking things. (80% of the time bullying becomes physical).
The bully's pattern of verbal abuse might include: twisting your words around, judging you unfairly, missing the
point, passing blame, bossing, making you self-conscious, embarrassing you, making you
cry, confusing you, and making you feel small so he/she can feel big.
Children between the ages of 5-11 begin using verbal abuse, and are capable of some
physical abuse such as fist fighting, kicking, and choking. However, once a child reaches
the age of 12, psychological changes take place and the bullying becomes more violent.
This might include the use of weapons and sexual abuse.
Murder between children was up 35% in 1997. Today's 3, 4, and 5 year-olds could grow up to
be a generation of serial killers. Some signs to watch for in younger children include
setting fires, and torturing animals.
Usually bullies come from middle-income families that do not monitor their activities. The
parents of bullies are either extremely tolerant and permissive, and allow them to get
away with everything, or physically aggressive and abusive.
Bullies like to be in control of situations, and enjoy inflicting injury on others.
Usually taller and stronger than other children their own age, bullies see the world with
a paranoid's eye. They see threats where none exist and believe that their anger and
aggressiveness is justified.
The bully might lash out at people because he's angry about something. Maybe someone in
his life is bullying him. He could be hurting from abuse he received in the past, or maybe
he grew up observing those around him using violence as a means of settling differences.
Sometimes jealousy is the culprit. He needs to feel better about himself in order to
change, and to stop bullying.
Or, in a worse case scenario, he might actually be a sociopath, in which case he/she would
need to get professional help.
What can parents do to prevent
their children from getting bullied?
Tell your children to walk or play with friends, not alone,
and to avoid empty buildings and alleys. Make a list with the child as to where they are
allowed to go, and places where they can get help.
Know your child's friends and make sure that other adults in his/her life understand your
view of teasing and violence. Teach your child to be strong and kind!
If your child is a victim, he needs to know that he's ok, and not the one
with the problem. If you know the parents of the bully, you might try confronting them.
However, there's a good chance they'll either be in denial, or be as unconcerned as their
child.
If verbal abuse is the problem, your child could try confronting the bully himself.
Get him alone. Bullies like to show off by embarrassing you in front of a group of people.
They might not be so tough without a crowd. Tell your child to be firm, stick up for
himself, and tell the bully, "I don't like what you're doing to me, and I want you to
stop."
If the child is old enough to reason, have him tell the bully how it feels to be bullied.
Don't stress what the bully did, or the accusations might make him defensive. Then he'd be
less likely to listen. If he's willing to listen at all, he might be willing to change.
However, if he's unwilling to listen and starts getting nasty, your child is better off
staying away from him, or ignoring him. But if his verbal abuse turns into threats, notify
someone in authority.
Sometimes having his things stolen victimizes a child. Putting your child's name on
everything (clothes/toys) is an important thing to do. This means each and every crayon!
It also helps to not allow him/her to take things of any major importance or value out of
the house.
For the past 10 years child on child violence has been increasing in America. Physical
abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment and robbery have driven many victims to substance
abuse or suicide.
Bully Advice for Kids
How a Bully Becomes a Bully
He is angry.
Someone might have bullied him in the past.
He has a low self-esteem. He thinks controlling you will
help him feel better about himself.
He might have been exposed to a lot of violence in the
media. (TV, books...) A lot of movies make violence look cool. But if you look closer, the
"good guy" is always cooler!
His caretakers might have lacked in supervision. They might
have been too busy to teach him how wrong it is to hurt others. Or maybe they spoiled him,
making him think he can do anything he wants, including bullying!
What to do about Bullies
Inform your parents, or caretakers.
Travel to social events in groups. Don't walk alone. Avoid
the bully at all costs.
Ignore him. That will take away his power he
"thinks" he has over you. He'll get bored, and go look for someone else to pick
on.
Confront him with the problem. Do this only if the bullying
is mental, not physical. Maybe you can explain how it makes you feel. If he doesn't care,
and continues to bully you, report him, and avoid him.
Take a safety training workshop. This should only be used as
a last resort (in self defense). Using this to show off for your friends, or simply
because someone made you angry, could lead to law suits, and YOU becoming a bully!
I hope this information helps you.
Take care of yourselves & stay safe.
The Explosive Child by Ross
Greene, Ph.D.
hosted by Joe Spataro interview & FREE Guide to Explosive
Children Now there is a new way for you, your
child, and your entire family to find help. In this groundbreaking new book, Dr. Ross
Greene, a child psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School,
makes a compassionate argument that the difficulties of these children stem from
developmental deficits in two critical skills: flexibility and frustration tolerance. He
asserts that if such children could do well, they would. We have an interview with
Dr. Greene and an excerpt for his book that will help you identify if you child has this
problem and what you can do about it.
Violence in America
by Joe Spataro has ideas and resources for you to help combat violence in your own life. There
is FREE information (like the brochure to the right) and place to go to find out more. If
you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. Find out more today.
A Tribe Apart:
A Journey into the Heart of American Adolescence by Patricia Hersch
Why do teenagers so often seem like a different species? Journalist Patricia Hersch gives
a troubling answer in her fascinating, up-close-and-personal look at what it means to be a
teen in today's American high schools. Rather than interviewing "high-risk"
teens (those already swept up in a cycle of drug use, gang violence, or unintended
pregnancy, for example), Hersch focuses her attention on "regular
kids"--adolescents who are average achievers on academic and social levels.
Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood by William S. Pollack,
Mary Pipher
What are little boys made of? In Real Boys: Rescuing Our
Sons from the Myths of Boyhood author and psychologist William Pollack presents his
findings from almost 20 years of clinical work and his recently completed study examining
contemporary boyhood and the ways boys manifest their social and emotional disconnection
through anger and violence. There's a code of boy behavior, Pollack says--an unspoken
"boy code" that teaches boys how to act and demands that they cover up their
emotions.
Repinted by permission of the
author. All rights reserved.
To learn more about stopping bullies and youth violence go to Kathy's website. Kathy Noll, 3300
Chestnut St., Reading, PA 19605
Interview with author Kathy Noll
interview & FREE Guide to Explosive
Children
Now there is a new way for you, your
child, and your entire family to find help. In this groundbreaking new book, Dr. Ross
Greene, a child psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School,
makes a compassionate argument that the difficulties of these children stem from
developmental deficits in two critical skills: flexibility and frustration tolerance. He
asserts that if such children could do well, they would. We have an interview with
Dr. Greene and an excerpt for his book that will help you identify if you child has this
problem and what you can do about it.
Interview with author Ross
Greene
